Thursday, January 27, 2011


Kiss the Rain - Yiruma

I needed a refreshingly new instrumental (specifically piano) piece swimming through my brain. So of course, I stepped right over to the lovely Yiruma playlist and picked out this piece. And I LOVE it. I've loved it since I heard the preview.

I got really stressed out today. It all just kind of came at me at once. Fortunately, I was able to pick up and leave and hit the gym for an hour or so. Listen to some music, be by myself, get my mind off of it all. What caused the stress? Ahh... well...

Besides being a college student in a fairly difficult field as far as majors are concerned and with a heavy schedule, things have all the sudden boiled over this week.

First, but certainly not foremost, I had a boyfriend... for all of 3ish weeks. I did not plan on having any relationships at all this year, and for a while I fought it. I wanted to go to school, do my school and do me without all the complications of a relationship. I didn't want the guilt of feeling for somebody when committed to another. I didn't want to have to commit to a set, constant schedule of seeing or talking to someone. I didn't want to have feelings.... But, eventually I fell for it. I did the relationship thing. He was (or seemed to be) someone I could handle and someone "worth it." And I could swear to you that things seemed to be going just as well almost up until a few days before the end of it all. If you had told me last Thursday, let's say, that by the following Tuesday I would no longer be in a relationship I would have laughed and told you you're crazy and that I feel I may be in one for quite some time. I also would have been wrong. All the sudden things went wrong. Some of it I understand. Some of it I'm not sure I will ever understand. Particularly that there had not been enough wrong for it to end. We hadn't really gotten into much of a fight yet, and I could have sworn we both were into the relationship. WRONG AGAIN. Yep. Anyway, all that taught me is that I need to follow what I feel is right for me. Meaning, if I say at the beginning of the year that I won't do a relationship, I won't do it. I've learned.

Speaking of relationships, I managed to successfully repair one that same day. And, honestly, the whole process of doing that, and all the hurt, and all the hatred I had for myself for messing things up with that person, was wayyy worse than the hurt I felt from the break up. I guess I just cared more about the relationship with that person than I did about the person I was "in a relationship" with. Which, now that I think about it, is completely backwards. How could I care more about one person, and stupidly pick another. Damn. Wow.

More stress came from.. Idk. Just this whole dorm life thing. This whole not having my own space that is entirely my own thing. This whole not having a place to go to be alone. To get away from it all. I need something like that. Don't get me wrong, I have a great roommate and I love my friends. I just need days without them. And lately that hasn't been happening. My room is the new "hotspot" rather than a place where I can go to get away. I almost feel like in order to get anything done or in order to be away from loudness and craziness I have to go away from my "home."

Plus, today when so many were in here, we were discussing one thing and people kept butting in all saying the same things we had already discussed. Which made me want to punch something. I feel like sometimes people just have the sole desire to put their 2 cents in regardless of how similar theirs are to somebody elses and regardless of their extent of knowledge about the situation.

Besides all of that, just homework and all this school crap coming at me too fast is causing issues. And I just need to sit down and go through it all.

And, Im starting to feel alone again. I hope it changes.

Things will get better with time, right?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Home home home home HOME

I'm sitting in the Denver Airport. Yep, I'm writing a blog in an airport. Why? Well I'm freaking bored that's why. I have like an hour or something til I leave here so why not? In a few hours I will be arriving in Sacramento, California where I will be located for the remainder of my vacation from OU. Sactown is my home and that's where I like to be when I have the time. Tonight, my highschool's winterguard has their first practice since their winter break which I will be attending. I'm exciting because I got to write the weapon audition routines for both sabre and rifle, and I get to teach those routines tonight! Also, the final cut of the music has been made and therefore I get to start writing work for the show. WOOT!

I've been trying to dabble in some colorguard teaching for a while now. Though I have no intention of making a 'career' out of colorguard teaching, I do quite enjoy writing routines, shows, etc. and I would certainly love to tech whenever I get the chance, and maybe even be an instructor one day. Wouldn't that be legit?

Indeed.  Yea I really dont have much to say but I was bored and I thought Id share. So.. I guess Ill sit here some more and do nothing? Maybe color in my hello kitty coloring book? That sounds good I guess.


Monday, January 3, 2011

It's Been a While...

And I'm sorry. I'll use the "I've been terribly busy" excuse for now. I'm a college kid in a marching band who's football team tends to win a lot. I've got stuff to do.

So, it has been a while since I wrote a blog about anything really. I moved to a new room with a new roommate, who of course is way better than my other one was. I'm pretty sure it couldn't have gotten much worse than what I had before. Unfortunately, when I moved into my new room I guess there was something growing in the AC unit because I got terribly sick, and I recently discovered that I once again have a sinus infection. I think I got rid of the whatever it was that was in there though. Hopefully...

Anyway, my football team only lost twice all season. Two very disappointing losses, but we survived. We went to the Big 12 Championship, and dominated. And on the first of this year we killed UConn at the Fiesta Bowl. It was awesome. My first colorguard season at OU is officially over, and now what am I going to do? Haha.

Because of the Fiesta Bowl, I spent the past week in Arizona. What a whirlwind of events that occurred. Like everyone got sick, including my roommate meaning I slept in several other peoples' rooms. Lots of weird tension amongst the group in general. Fun running around and representing my team. A couple of parades where I felt like a celebrity, a Block Party, etc. And, I didn't have to pay for any of it. They even gave us money for food. Awesome, amiright? The only not-so-fun part was being on a bus for 24ish hours, especially after spending all day at an airport trying to get back to Norman from Sacramento in time to get on the bus. But, I got to ride the bus with one of my favorite people, and being on the two-bus was definitely an experience. See the tubas ride the two-bus (ha get it?) and they have all sorts of... interesting aspects to their two-bus tradition. It wasn't bad though. It was entertaining to say the least.

My performance went very well, and I felt the energy for real. I almost hit Megan, our twirler, with my flag though because she was basically in my spot, and my face was definitely magnified times like a thousand on the big screen. All in a days work, right? Haha. Apparently I was on tv taking a picture because my parents were watching and said they saw me. Is it weird that I have been on tv several times within the past couple of months? Its weird how different my life is now.

So, to school. I did well this semester. I had colorguard, chemistry, calculus, philosophy and engineering and I got an A in every class except Chemistry. I got a B. But Im proud of that B because I worked very hard to get it. It was definitely my most difficult class. Im signed up for a crazy schedule this coming semester so hopefully I'm up for the challenge. I think I am.

I've acquired some really good friends at OU, none of which I'm ready to give up just yet. Just a little shout out to Lauren Woodbury, Chauntel LaMunyon, Chrissy Braswell, Lindsey Morrison, Lauren Pettit, Ryan King, Chris Nail, and hey there's probably a few more I just missed. No harm done. Lol. I love these people. They make me feel at home even when Im so far away.

Speaking of home, after finals I flew out to Cali until I had to leave for the fiesta bowl, and Ill be flying back out tomorrow for the remainder of my break. Yes that is a lot of flying. Going home made me realize how much I terribly miss my friends and my family. I definitely dont take time spent with them for granted now. Being home was great. Yay for In n Out burger. Christmas was awesome at home and definitely went the same as usual. Im not complaining.

I dont really know what else to talk about, but Im sure Ill think of a lot once I post this. Of course. Well, love you all!